always
by always61
Summary: we promise to be there for each other. always. / After a while, it kinda becomes their thing.


_i can't. i've been crying for days. i will never recover. _

* * *

><p><em>we promise to be there for each other. always.<em>

After a while, it kinda becomes their thing.

Shay's been moved in for almost a month now and he has never been so fond of a roommate. Then again, he's only ever had two roommates and both were guys. But Shay is as good as, both at the apartment and station.

They didn't have to worry about her being prissy, or if she would take negatively towards the house humor.

She fit into their lives so seamlessly it was as if she'd always been there.

"Wanna grab a beer after shift? The guys are thinking about going downtown."

"I am _definitely _willing to drink tonight. Any night, really."

"Always, huh?"

Shay gave him a crooked smile. "Yeah, always."

.-.-.-.

The first time he barely makes it out of a building before it collapses, Shay calmly asks if he's okay.

"Fine, yeah."

She nods, then punches his arm. He hardly feels the impact, through all the layers and what he expects to be a mild hit at best from the girl who probably weights a solid hundred pounds soaking wet.

"Don't do that again." She warns, then makes her way towards the ambulance.

...

Shay waits until they're back home before she says anything.

She kept her mouth shut through the house dinner, the ride home, and even takes a shower before dropping down next to him on the couch.

"Can I count on you to at least try your best to not die in a burning building?"

She gets it. Hazard of the job, danger in every second, she _gets _it, but she doesn't _like _it.

Kelly looks her straight in the eye. "I promise to always try my hardest to stay safe."

Because that's the most he can give her. He knows what it's like, watching someone disappear into the smoke, knows the fear of _what if they don't come back_, so the least he can do is promise his best.

"_Always_?"

"Of course. Always."

.-.-.-.

He walks into her room at nearly four in the morning.

They've been living together for a year now and gave each other the title of _best friend _months back. All the same, it's four in the morning and they start work in a few hours, so she isn't so friendly when he pushes her over and makes himself comfortable.

But she'll yell at him come morning. Right now, he hasn't said a word so maybe he just doesn't want to be alone (they have both had these nights - sneaking under the covers at ungodly hours just for the comfort of another body).

"Can I trust you?"

She opens her eyes and gives him her full attention.

He sounds so _broken_.

"Always. You know that."

.-.-.-.

For a paramedic, Shay winds up in the hospital nearly as often as he does.

The first time was in mid December, when the combination of Chicago traffic - angry, impatient drives all around - and the road, slick with slush and incoming snow, sent her car skidding off the road.

She'd been hospitalized for nearly a week, and Kelly refused to let her drive for weeks after that.

(_"It wasn't even my fault, Kelly, some jackass hit me. _I _know how to drive."_

_"I've been driving in the snow since I was sixteen. You've been doing it for three years, Shay. Just get in the car.")_

Then there were the other times she'd been admitted - smoke inhalation, wayward patients, some drunken falls. Little things that worried the hell out of him.

But the one that scared everyone the most was when Shay caught the flu.

"I got my shot," She whined pathetically. He managed a small smile, but she had him - everyone - downright terrified.

When Shay's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she dropped to the floor in the middle of lounge, there was barely a moment's hesitation before everyone was up and moving. The house was always loud but this was pure chaos - men scrambling to find Boden, find Dawson, and _what the hell happened_.

She looked at him now, pale and tiny but _grinning_, and grabbed his hand. He had to remind himself to avoid the IV.

"I love you, y'know?" They don't say it that often. But it's true and he hopes she knows that because with their jobs, shit happens at every turn.

"I love you too. Always."

"Always."

She was dehydrated, probably delirious, had a severe fever and was surrounded by wires, but she's holding his hand and smiling and that's good enough for him.

.-.-.-.

The year has been rough.

So incredibly rough he's surprised they're still moving.

But what hits him the most - what hits _Shay _the most, and so hits him as well - is the situation with Daryl.

He wasn't there.

He only gets a summary from Boden.

But Shay was there and Shay saw everything and he knows as soon as he sees her, frantic and shaking in the bathroom, he _knows _she's anything but fine.

Otis tells him. It's Otis, not Shay, who tells him that she broke down crying, that she didn't want him to know.

And he gives it a few days.

But then she's not coming home at night and she isn't responding and oh _god_, what if she was in another crash?

He's up half the night worried sick and barely catches her at the house to let her know that he was definitely _not _okay with this. So what if rule number one was to stay out of each other's business.

And so it comes that when she _finally _comes home, home to this new apartment with the non-spiral stairs, he sits her down on the couch and looks her in the eyes.

"Promise to tell me any time you're not okay. Promise to tell me any time you're struggling to get through this."

He knows she's barely okay _now_, that she's struggling every minute of every day. He can see it on her face and in her eyes and hell, everyone knows it too because Shay is barely Shay anymore.

And yet, she nods. "I promise."

"I'm serious, Shay. Any time."

"Always, Kel."

And it's right then and there that she tells him everything.

.-.-.-.

Somewhere between the kidnapping and rescuing of Katie, he stopped sleeping.

Why should he be sleeping when his sister was out there, alone and in danger?

He shouldn't.

So he doesn't.

Or at least, he sleeps a few hours before going back to shift, because even if he can't give one hundred percent right now, people don't deserve to die just because he wasn't being responsible.

In any case, he's sleep deprived and going stir crazy and he just wants _answers_, answers and a solution because this is his _sister_.

He can't do anything more than stare at the ceiling though.

He doesn't hear her open the door, but suddenly Shay is in front of him, nudging until he scoots over in bed. The room is dark and he's glad, because his eyes are burning and he doesn't want her to see.

"We'll figure this out, Kelly. We always do."

It's not her sister out there. It's not her responsibility to help find Katie.

But this matters to him and so matters to her, no matter what, and she will help him through this every step of the way.

.-.-.-.

"So I think you're my best friend." She's half drunk, but so is he, sprawled on the couch in their apartment. "I mean, Dawson. And you have Casey? But I think you're my best friend."

He pokes her knee. "You're probably mine, too."

Her eyes light up even more. "Best friends for always."

This is silly. It's so childish, really, it just _is_, but the blonde sharing the couch with him is one of the best things in his life.

"Yeah. Best friends for always."

* * *

><p><em>no matter what. always. <em>

_always. _


End file.
